If The Fates Allow
by IdrilsSecret
Summary: Because the Yuletide just isn't gay without a little Destiel.


**If The Fates Allow**

It was Christmas Eve, and I was staying in this crap hole of a motel out in the middle of bum fuck Egypt. Sammy and I had another argument. We seemed to be having a lot of those lately. I didn't know what his problem was. He was different. That's all I could say about it. So we split up and went our separate ways after our last job. Not the first time we've done that, and it wouldn't be the last. It just sucked that it happened right here at Christmas time. Growing up, we might not have had Dad around for the holidays, but Sam and I always had each other.

I'd gone out for a bite to eat at this all night diner on the corner. It was one of those places where the coffee was old, the muffins were stale, but the burgers were cooked to order … extra grease. The waitress was a young, tall, slim, brunette beauty, and flirted we me the entire time. I flirted back, just to make sure the coffee was fresh – I'd talked her into brewing a new pot – and with the hopes that she'd throw in a piece of pie 'on the house'. The women were always throwing themselves at me, and I played along. That's not what I was interested in, though.

For the past several months, me and Cas had been together in secret. Up until recently, no one knew about us, not until Sam went snooping and put two and two together. He didn't like it at first, but I think he realized that what Cas and I felt towards each other was real, and no one was going to keep us apart. That's when Sammy started getting weird. I didn't think he was adjusting to it very well. So Cas and I continued to keep things between us. If Sam wanted to ask me something, I'd be happy to answer him. But he seemed like he was better in denial about it. Whatever. As long as Cas and I were good, nothing else mattered.

"How 'bout I freshen that up for you, sweetheart," Ella sang. I knew her name because of the tag sewn to her uniform.

I smiled charmingly. "That'd be great."

She filled my cup and I could feel her eyes on me. "Seems strange, a handsome man like you hanging out at a dive like this. Don't you have some honey to get home to?"

"It's just me, myself and I tonight."

"Well, if you find that any one of the three should be needing some company, especially for the holiday, I get out of here at one." Her hand touched my shoulder and lightly ran down my arm, getting a sense of my biceps beneath my shirt. She winked and walked back behind the counter, hips swaying in a way that would hypnotize most men. Out there, somewhere, was some poor bastard that could use Ella's undivided attention on a brisk evening such as this. It just wasn't me. I almost hoped that some other guy would walk in and gain her attention. And just as the thought occurred to me, I heard the bell over the door make its familiar resonant sound, and looked to see who it was. Our eyes connected immediately, and my heart sped up a few beats. Cas came into the restaurant, and sat in the booth across from me.

"Hello Dean," he smiled slightly.

"Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings," I quoted from that famous old movie.

Cas looked over his right shoulder and then his left. He looked back at me, head cocked, confused. "I've had my wings ever since I was created, and I didn't need a bell in order to acquire them."

"You're adorable. Don't ever change," I jostled him.

"I saw Sam earlier tonight," Cas said, ignoring my banter. "He didn't seem happy to see me."

I leaned forward, placing my elbows on the table. "Did something happen? Did he say something to you?"

"No. He was very cordial. It was just the way he was acting. He seemed a bit standoffish. He's not usually like that."

"Sammy's having a difficult time adjusting," I told him.

"Adjusting to what?"

"To us. He thinks we're making a mistake."

Cas looked concerned with his brows creased like they were. "Would you like for me to speak with him and explain things?"

"Oh geez, no. That would only make it worse. You gotta understand. Sam is as straight as they come. The mere thought of two guys … you know … and he looks like he puked a little in his mouth," I explained as best I could. "And now he's realizing that his own brother lives the lifestyle."

"Are you sure it's not because I'm an angel and you're human?" Cas asked.

"He did say something to you, didn't he?"

Cas turned his head away, looking at the fake spray-on snow decorating the windows. He looked disappointed. "He brought up Jimmy Novak."

"What does that have to do with–"

"He said Jimmy would be appalled by my behavior." Cas shook his head. "I can't help but think Sam's right about that."

"Jimmy Novak is dead," I said angrily. How was it that with only a few words, Sam had Cas rethinking everything. "Sam knows this is a touchy subject for you. Just remember, Jimmy gave himself up for you and for the cause. When he died, he relinquished his body to you. He has no claim on the flesh anymore. He's a spirit in heaven. It's you who is down here on earth, fighting, risking your life all the time."

The waitress was coming over to our booth. Cas and I sat up straight. We'd been leaning over the table, talking in hushed tones. She smiled when she caught Cas' eye. "Well look at you, honey. Aren't you a handsome devil?"

Cas, looking quite serious, stared her straight in the eye. "Actually, ma'am I'm an ang–"

"He's hungry. That's what he is," I interrupted, kicking him under the table. "You still serving breakfast?"

"At this late hour?" Ella said. Then she looked over her shoulder to the kitchen window. "Well, for you two, I'll see what I can do. Bacon and eggs ok?"

"Whatever you can manage. And bring my friend here some coffee," I added.

She winked, only this time it was Cas' shoulder that she fondled. He looked at her hand, and then up at her, smiling with wide puppy dog eyes. I almost thought she shuttered. Cas had that effect on people.

"So," I began. "Everything ok?"

"As good as it can be. Why?"

"Well, you're here, for one."

"I just wanted to check in on you … you know … with the holiday and all," Cas said.

"Do angels celebrate Christmas?" I wondered. I'd never given it any thought before.

"Angels don't celebrate anything," he said, disappointment in his words. "But I'm curious to know what people do. I thought you and Sam would spend this time together. That's why I went to the bunker."

"Sam and I had a falling out this year, but yeah, normally we spend this time in each other's company. We usually kick back and have a couple beers, then Christmas morning, we exchange gifts."

"Gifts? What do you give each other?"

"I don't know. Nothing expensive. We're more practical when it comes to that. It's usually last minute ideas, a six pack of beer, a new fake ID." I paused and gave a laugh. "One year, I gave Sam a box of donuts and a bag of chips. It was a joke of course. If it didn't grow from the ground, he wouldn't eat it."

"I know a little about gift giving, and that doesn't sound very festive," Cas commented.

"The fact is, it's about remembering friends and family. It's not about the material things. Well, it's not supposed to be about that. Christmas has gone way too commercial. But that's why Sam and I don't give serious gifts. It's the thought that counts. It's about being with those who care."

"And yet, here you are in this diner while Sam's back in the bunker," Cas said, pointing out the fact that I preached but I didn't practice.

"Yeah," I said sadly. "Well . . . I got a room at that motel around the corner. Sam and I just need a little time to cool off."

"I wish I had a gift for you," he said.

"You're here. That's the best gift of all." I smiled inconspicuously, trying not to be too obvious.

"I'll be right back," Cas said, suddenly getting up from the booth.

"Where you going?"

"Don't worry, I'll be right back. When the food comes, you can have mine."

I watched him walk to the register where an old man sat on a stool behind the counter. Cas spoke to him for a minute or two. The old man looked tired and worn, but as Castiel talked to him, he seemed to lighten. I didn't think there was a human alive that could resist my Cas. He had such a warm and friendly presence about him.

The waitress came over carrying a tray with our food on it. She smiled as she set the plates in their proper places. "Two eggs over medium, bacon and toast. Did I guess the eggs right?"

"Just the way I like them," I answered.

She put Cas' food on his side of the table, and then she went back for a pot of coffee. My sight returned to Cas, and I watched him lay a gentle hand on the old man's arm. What was he doing? I wondered.

Ella, the waitress, came back then. I hardly noticed her. I was busy watching Cas, trying to figure him out. I detected coffee being poured and smelled the fresh brew, but my eyes followed the angel in a trench coat.

"So it's like that, is it?" she said, immediately gaining my attention.

"Like what?" I asked, tearing my gaze from Castiel.

"You," she said. Then she looked across the diner to Cas. "And him."

"What? No. He's a friend. My best friend actually."

"Well now, that's how it starts out sometimes. You know what I mean? Besides, I saw how you were looking at him just now, and friends don't watch each other like that. Honey, you've got it bad." Ella gave a ridiculous wink and looked at Cas again. "Can't say that I blame you. He seems like a real gentleman." She laughed as she picked up the tray and tucked it under her arm. "Now him, I can kind of tell, but you … well, I never would have guessed. You seem like the rugged, bad boy type. The kind of guy that can keep a girl going all night long. Are you sure you don't swing both ways?"

"I'm pretty sure," I said, feeling the heat rising on my cheeks. I'd never been called out by a woman before. Then again, Ella was a waitress. I'm sure she's seen all types come through here.

"So you were only flirting with me for what, a free meal?" She arched one brow accusingly.

I smiled, embarrassed as she called me out. "A fresh pot of coffee, actually."

Ella laughed at that. "Honey, all you had to do was ask. But I thank you for the good time. Damn, and I was hoping my Christmas was coming early this evening."

I heard the bell ring over the front door of the diner and looked to see Cas leaving. Where was he going? What was he doing?

"Everything alright?" Ella asked as she was about to leave my table.

"Yeah, he said he'll be right back," I said, but I was unsure myself.

A half hour later, Cas finally came back. "Where the hell were you?" I asked.

"Just had a little business to take care of," he said with no great worry.

"Did it have something to do with the old man up front?" I wondered.

Cas turned to look at the man and brought his attention back to me. "Oh, I was asking him something when I sensed a terrible thing. His name is Jack, he's seventy three, and he wasn't going to live to see Christmas."

"You mean next year, right?" I asked, hoping that was what he meant.

"No, tomorrow," Cas said sadly. "Carotid artery blockage. He was going to have a stroke and die."

"Wait, what do you mean when you say he was _going_ to die?"

"I cured him. Well, not exactly. I gave him more time. He will still die, just not tonight. He'll have another six to eight months, if I'm correct. You see, he and his wife raised their grandson when his parents died in a car crash. The grandson is grown now, and starting a family of his own. Jack's wife died a little over a year ago, just after their grandson's wedding. It's been Jacks only wish to see his great grandchild so that when the old man dies, he can tell his wife about the child when they're finally together again in heaven."

"Wow, Cas, you can do that? Just poke around in people's lives?" I was absolutely stunned.

"I don't do it often. It usually requires special permission, but since I'm kind of out here on my own, separated from heaven, I tend to take certain things into my own hands."

"That was a very noble and kind thing you did for that old man." I smiled and cocked my head to the side. "You still manage to amaze me sometimes. I wish there were more angels like you in the world. There's times when people need a little interference without their knowledge."

"Well, I got thinking of what you said about Christmas and gift giving, and I thought I needed to contribute in some small way. Healing people is something I'm good at."

"That is something that Jimmy Novak would have been proud to know you did in his image." I nudged his foot with my own and he smiled shyly.

"Thanks, Dean," he said.

"Hey, wanna get out of here?" I asked.

"Alright," he agreed.

"There's some holiday displays downtown, if you want to go walk around for a bit."

"I'm not sure I feel much like sightseeing. How about we go back your motel," Cas suggested.

"We can do that if you want. It's not much, but it's quiet."

Cas gave me a smoldering look. "Let's go then."

As we made our way to the door, Ella rushed over to us with a brown paper bag. "Hey you two. Hold on. I got something for you." She handed me the bag and I opened it. Inside was two slices of cherry pie, warm too. She smiled and shrugged her shoulders. "Thought you might like a snack for later … on the house, of course." She winked at me and smiled. "You look like a pie kind of guy. Merry Christmas to you both." She kissed each one of us on the cheek. "You two look so cute together." The cook called her to pick up an order and she rushed off. Cas and I turned to head to the counter to pay the bill.

"She knows about you and I?" he asked at a whisper.

"She's a waitress, sees all kinds of people come and go. Didn't take much for her to figure it out." I lifted the bag. "Got us some free pie, didn't it?"

We approached the counter where the register was. The old man, Jack, grinned at Cas. "Find what you were looking for?"

"Yes, I did. Thank you for your help."

I looked at Cas and then to Jack with suspicion, but neither one was giving anything away. I handed Cas the paper bag and pulled out my wallet. "I got this."

"I'll meet you outside," Cas said, bowed his head to Jack and walked through the door.

While I waited for the old man to enter the numbers into the register and handed him my credit card, I thought about what Cas said, how Jack would get to see his great grandchild, but he would eventually die. This would be his last Christmas for sure. It was strange knowing someone's future like this. I suddenly wished there was something to do or say, but there wasn't. Whatever Cas did, he did in secret. Not even the old man knew he was going to die in a few months.

As I put my card away, I checked the money in my wallet. I didn't have much, only about fifty bucks. I took out all I had and handed it to Jack.

"I've already charged your card, sir," he said.

"I know. This isn't for the meal. It's for you. Merry Christmas."

He looked flabbergasted. "Well, I … I can't take this. It's … too much."

"My friend told me your grandson was expecting his first child. Spend it on the baby."

"Th-thank you very much. You're too kind."

I headed for the door, noticing that Cas was watching me through the glass. The look on his face was unforgettable, with his head slightly tilted to one side, lips curled into a gentle smile, and his eyes crinkled at the corners.

"God bless you, son," Jack called to me. I bowed my head and nodded as I exited the diner.

Cas was waiting for me. "That was nice of you, Dean. You see, this is what the other's don't understand about humans. If they would just stop trying to be so righteous all the time, and take long hard look, maybe they wouldn't be such … such–"

"Dicks?" I finished for him.

"Yeah, dicks," Cas repeated, anger in his tone.

"You're really upset, aren't you? Got your fur all ruffled up. But the important thing to know is that you aren't like the others."

"I used to be," he said sadly.

"Not any more. You allowed yourself to learn about us. You've lived amongst us for a while now. Humanity is rubbing off on you, Cas. That's a good thing."

"I do like it down here."

My fingers traveled along the label of his coat, teasingly. "I like you down here too." I wanted to kiss him then, but there were too many strangers around, and public affection made people uncomfortable. Instead, I bumped him with my shoulder and started walking towards the motel. Cas walked alongside me, and we were on our way.

* * *

><p>We were standing outside of my room, and I was fumbling around with the key. Cas was smiling impishly, and I wasn't sure what that was all about. I put the key in the lock and turned the knob. As I opened the door, I noticed a glow of colored lights coming from inside the room. My hand involuntarily reached for a knife that I kept in my belt, but Cas steadied my arm. I looked at him, alarmed, and found him smiling. I abandoned the knife and pushed the door open, cautiously entering my room.<p>

"What the–?" There was a small Christmas tree on the table top, decorated with little ornaments and a string of multi colored lights. And beside the tree was a six pack of bottled beer. "Cas?"

"I thought you might like a bit of holiday cheer … you know … since you're not with Sam."

"How'd you … when did–"

"When I left the diner." Cas sounded so proud of himself. "I asked Jack where I might find a last minute tree. There was a drugstore around the corner. This was in their window. I talked the store owner into selling me the tree fully decorated. He was reluctant at first, but eventually he gave in. Then I came here, told the motel manager that I was delivering this to a Mr. Dean Winchester, and asked him to let me into your room. I got it set up pretty quickly and came back to the diner. I've been anxious all night for you to see it."

I gave a laugh of amazement and shook my head. "I had no clue what you were up to."

"That was the idea."

"And you did all this for me?"

"Who else?" Cas set the paper bag on a chair and removed his coat. "And don't say you don't deserve it. You're the finest man I've ever known. You deserve much more than this, but–"

"It's perfect," I said, cutting him off. I pulled him to me, snaking my arms around his waist, and bringing my lips close to his.

We started out slow, lips upon lips, touching, separating, and then pressing together. I felt his jawline, the stubble of his beard rough on the palm of my hand. My mouth followed, tasting the skin of his neck, my teeth tugging at his earlobe. "I want you badly," I whispered in his ear.

"There are no warding symbols here, not like the bunker. I'm afraid someone will hear us," he warned.

"Come one, Cas. You didn't come here tonight just to talk." My hand cupped his growing desire through his trousers. "You want this just as much as I do."

"I'll transport us to your room," he suggested. "It's safer there."

"No. We're staying here. You're just going to have to keep from letting anyone hear you."

"I … don't think I can," he said worriedly.

"Cas, ever since our first time together, you've always done that … that angel thing. Just this once, don't you think you can just act … human?"

He pushed away from me and turned. "I'm afraid I won't feel anything."

"What are you saying? You can only experience 'us' when you're lit up like the sun? It goes deeper than that. It's about us being together, feeling it together."

"But this vessel–"

"It's human, Cas. It's part of you. Do you think it's like that trench coat you always wear? It's not a suit, it's you now. When you're here on earth, aren't you human to a certain degree?"

"But Sam said–"

"Fuck what Sam said. He was just trying to . . ." I stopped as I figured out what was bothering him. It wasn't about angels hearing him, and it wasn't about fearing numbness without tapping into his angel soul. I went to him and touched his arm, turning him towards me. "Hey, listen to me," I said gently. "This is you now. It's not Jimmy anymore. He left a long time ago. This body is yours, alone. Besides, it didn't bother you before."

"That's because I came to you in my true form, and I forgot about the earthbound body, if only temporarily."

"Then come to me as the man tonight." I kissed him gently, slowly and with passion. My fingers started undoing the buttons of his shirt, fumbling to release his tie.

"But what if I feel myself start to … let go?"

"Think about something that will keep you to this earth." I pulled the shirt from his pants and pushed it from his shoulders. I loved looking at his body. He wasn't heavily muscled, but there was definition, a slight rippling of his stomach. He was lean and fit, and he had an ass like . . .

"Like what?" he asked.

"What?" I said, stirred from the workings of my inner mind.

"You said to think about something else. I'm asking you for an example."

"Oh." I looked around the room trying to find something, and the paper bag caught my eye. "Pie," I concluded.

"Pie?" One of his brows arched suspiciously.

"Ever hear of the term, 'as easy as pie'?" My hand went to his belt and I unbuckled it easily, pulling it out of the loops, and dropping it to the floor. "For example, making love to you is as easy as pie." I smiled fiendishly as I unzipped his pants and pushed them down his hips. He stepped out of his shoes and the pants at the same time.

"Actually, the term is a colloquial idiom used to describe a pleasurable task," he explained.

"Yes, I know," I said, my hands busy dipping into the waistband of his boxers. "And I can't think of a task any more pleasurable than this. Tell me more."

"Well, most people think of it as meaning to _make_ a pie, which is not at all an easy thing to do." He paused to suck in a breath as I took him in my hand and started stroking him.

"Go on."

"It actually … refers to the … act of … consuming … it. Oh Dean, that feels good."

"Don't lose your concentration, Cas. Think of pie." It seemed to be working, at least for now.

"Pie, yes, origins of pie. There's … oh wow … ok … uh … it's thought that the term was coined in the 1920's … or … perhaps earlier than that when … oh yeah, Dean, that feels good."

I had taken him into my mouth, and was working him the way that I knew would give him pleasure the quickest way. I released him a moment to speak. "Pie, Cas."

"Perhaps 1886 when the phrase was … _oh shit, Dean_." He laid his hand on either side of my head, and held me to him as he began to respond to my ministrations. "… heard to be … _oh yeah_." He gave a hard thrust. "… as easy … _oh, right there, yeah_ … as … _shit, I'm coming_ … eating … _oh_ _Dean_ … eating pie … _shit that's good_." His body shuddered as he came.

I stood up and kissed him solidly. "Like I said, as easy as pie."

Cas took several moments to recover, in which I continued kissing him along his neck. "Ok … ok," he said, catching his breath. "You proved your point, but this isn't the same as making love. This is easier to control."

I pulled him towards the bed and pushed him down. "If you can control it when I'm giving you a blow job, you can control it anytime." I kicked off my boots and pulled my t-shirt off over my head. Cas sat up on his elbows, watching me strip out of my clothes. Then he came up the rest of the way, and helped me out of my jeans. Next, he played with the waistband of my blue Calvin Klein briefs, and slowly walked them down my hips, exposing my 'more than ready' cock. "I'm going to make love to you, Castiel," I said as I finished undressing. "And you're going to think of pie," I smiled.

Cas pulled me onto the bed and forced me onto my back. I moved up until my head was on the pillow, and watched as he straddled me. Face to face was the best way to make love to him, to watch the pleasure consume him, lips parted, moaning and crying out my name. He eased himself down onto my straining cock, and I sucked air in between my clenched teeth. He was warm and tight, and well prepared.

"Everything good?" I asked as he started a slow rhythm.

Cas nodded, obviously in deep concentration. I wondered what he was reciting in his mind to keep from going all glowing and bright. His hips started to move a little faster, and when he stuck his ass out, I squeezed it and pulled him to me. "Dean," he let out in a long airy breath.

"That's it, baby. Take it deep. You know where you like it," I encouraged.

"Shut up, Dean," he responded. "Or I'll smite you."

I gave a huff of a laugh, and then gasped as I felt muscles clench around my shaft. He moved up and down, and I let him take control while I laid there and enjoyed the ride. His breathing hurried and he leaned forward, hands on the pillow at either side of my head. I dug my fingertips into his ass to help move him along.

"Dean," he whispered, watching my face, searching my eyes.

"You've got this, baby."

"Feels … so … good."

"Yeah it does."

Cas was really moving now, thrusting down hard onto my hips. We were at the point of no turning back, and I began pushing up as he came down. He'd had his eyes closed so far, but suddenly they opened. I expect to see something, blue flame or a soft white glow, but there was none. His eyes were normal, and they looked deep into my soul.

"I love you, Dean," he said between thrusts.

"I love you," I said before he covered my mouth with his own.

His hips gyrated forward and back, bending me, pulling me, sliding, squeezing. My own cock pulsated, and I felt him take me in his hand. His strokes matched his hip movements, and I couldn't take much more.

"Come for me, angel. Come for me, my Castiel."

He stilled and I thrust deep with quick pulses. Cas cried out in ecstasy, my name rolling off his tongue, slurred like he was drunk. Drunk on passion, immersed in orgasm, I spilled between us and felt Cas give in. Our eyes remained locked on each other, and there was no celestial magic. It was just me and Cas in human form, and it was magnificent.

"I … didn't think this … was possible," he said between breaths.

I smiled up at him. "I always knew."

He collapsed onto me, the heat of his body enveloping mine, contoured in complete adequacy, breathing in and out together, perfectly synchronized. _He_ was perfect, and I couldn't imagine ever loving anyone as I loved Cas. "You're beautiful like this, you know that? You're beautiful however you come to me, Castiel. If you were cast out of heaven forever and sentenced to a mortal life, I'd love you just as much as the chivalrous angel you were created to be. I want you to know that, ok? I just need you to know that." I didn't understand why I was suddenly so desperate for him to understand the magnitude of my love for him. Maybe it was because he had powers that I didn't understand … that sometimes he seemed like the ocean, and I was merely a piece of broken and smoothed down shell, helpless to his superiority. Whatever the reason, I felt like I couldn't make him understand just how deeply he was embedded into my heart, and into my very soul.

Cas lifted his head, and kissed me lovingly. "I _do_ know, Dean. I know it without you having to say it, but I'm glad you did." He came to rest at my side. I turned towards him and pulled him against me, nuzzling my nose into his neck, taking in the very scent of him, and the feel of his soft dark hair.

I glanced at the digital clock with its glowing red numbers. 12:08, just past midnight. "Merry Christmas, Castiel."

"Merry Christmas, Dean," he replied as we drifted off to sleep under the warmth of clean linen. The room was softly lit by the small Christmas tree, and the faint scent of pastry wafted in the air. This moment would be with me for always, like a photo snapped in my mind. I would revisit it often in good times and in bad. My first Christmas with Cas, the best present I could have ever wished for.


End file.
